Sweet Perplexion

I had a feeling of increasing trepidation as I went down the faded corridor to the "Music Room". Even outside the room it was clear the volume was going to be unbearable. My old time pal Fred had somehow found my number after nearly 30 years. The invitation said: - "Dan's 90 birthday Celebration - 60's Band - Black Lion Hotel."

Dan had been my surrogate father. We lived in one of the terrace houses that backed onto the steelworks. I never knew my father - he had been killed when he apparently slipped and fell into the molten slag drain exiting the blast furnace. It ran uncovered then. His remains disappeared. They never told me until I was old enough. There was no compo in those days but we were allowed to keep the house.

Dan had next door and a long back garden in which he grew all the house vegetables. Best of all he had a shed. All manner of stuff a boy loved was kept in here. The prize was Linnets in cages that Dan bred and occasionally showed. The little birds had the most uplifting cheerful song. Never mind the sometimes bleak, dismal location their song was never, ever sad. From Dan I learnt the truth about the neighbors', the steelworks, life and everything else. This was not the luvvy, duvvy tale I often got from my mother. I hadn't seen Dan since I left the area to work in engineering in the affluent south.

I opened the door and pushed in through the barrage of sound. The bar was in an alcove just off the main room. If it hadn't been then the bar staff would never have heard the orders. Fred was waiting.

"Great to see you, glad you made it after all these years. Dan's here with me."

Just behind him was a shrivelled version of the Dan I once knew. He had a fixed smile and shook my hand. Immediately I could tell that the Dan I knew had gone.

"Hello Dan good to see you looking so well."

Dan had no recollection of me at all. I felt mortified.

The main dance area was brightly lit and the good people that had once formed such a close community were sat looking like frightened rabbits.

The sixties band consisted of a 50 something man and wife singing to a laptop of backings plugged into the house wall of amplifiers. The volume was fixed at max.

"Do you remember Nellie Backhouse that was? You know the one that fancied the socks off you. She is sat out there somewhere. Can't see her though. Let's sit down and knock a pint or two back."

The laptop was not set up for any breaks and fifties man was on the stage. No doubt in his mind he saw himself as somebody other than the person we did.

That aside though, he was a pretty good singer. The song coming up was "Keep on Running" by the Spencer Davis Group. It has an irresistible driving base.

"Keep on running, keep on hiding"

"One fine day I'm gonna be the one to make you understand"

"Oh yeah I'm gonna be your man"

Someone from the bar area realized it was a bit down on atmosphere and thankfully switched off the main house lights. The mirror ball and the beer started to work. One or two tentative ladies got up to dance. After a few more beers the men folk slowly came out of their shells.

I looked about me and could not seem to pick out a single person from the past. Then the flashing lights bounced of someone's eyes a table across the way. She was fixed on me. Surely it couldn't be, could it, Nellie Backhouse! But it definitely was!

I struggled with my memory bank and could see the young girl a few doors away smiling openly just as she did when I went out each day on my paper round. She was the unobtainable beauty of the area. It was quite out of the blue and somehow disturbing to me to admit I was moved by it. I took the cowards way out and went and got another pint. Halfway down it I looked again and the smile was still there. She turned to the large tough man with her. He had a shaven head and a single silver earring. She signed something to him then looked square at me and nodded to the dance floor. The big man looked at me and to my surprise smiled and gave thumbs up. Nellie was already on the floor.

"Keep on running, running from my arms"

She had a flared red and white 60 style dress that spun out like the big top. I didn't really know what sort of jive we would do but it just flowed easily. As if we did it every week. She smiled all the time and occasionally squeezed my hand. I was beginning to go back in time. The excitement of the early Rock n' Roll dances was coming back.

"One fine day I'm gonna be the one to make you understand"

I began to remember some of the happy faces swishing by and things were looking.
Suddenly better.

"Oh yeah I'm gonna be your man"

The fifties man announced supper. It was pies and peas served on card board plates. The peas had somehow been burnt and although the colour was OK the taste was acrid. A dash of finesse was added by the addition of a serviette with a Black Lion motif. The volume had decreased a tiny bit but did continue hot. I decided to have another attempt at Dan but it was no good. How desperately sad. I tackled Fred.

"Why didn't you tell me Dan had Alzheimers?"

"Well I was pretty sure that if you knew you wouldn't have come."

"And you would probably have been correct."

"Well at least you met Nellie again."

"That's very true Fred but I am not sure at the moment whether that's a good thing or bad. Let’s face it I cannot exactly sit down and talk to her about old times can I?"

We left it there as fifties woman had taken the stage and the volume knob was back on the top stop. This time it was The New Seekers and "I'll never find another you"

"There's a new world somewhere"

"They call The Promised Land"

"And I'll be there someday"

"If you will hold my hand"

"I still need you there beside me"

"No matter what I do"

"For I know I'll never find another you"

Nellie was nodding to the floor again. Big man was smiling. He didn't do dancing.

My feet started walking to the floor all by themselves. Oh, dear this is starting to get a grip. As she spun by me her eyes were saying things that didn't need the music.

"There is always someone"

"For each of us they say"

"And you'll be my someone"

"For ever and a day"

Nellie pretended to stumble and grabbed me tightly. She flattened her body against me momentarily and pressed firmly.

"I could search the whole world over"

"Until my life is through"

All together now.

"But I know I'll never find another you"

The dance ended and I had to force myself to leave and sit down. I tried to collect my thoughts and with difficulty realized the last waltz would not be far away and right this moment I didn't think I could handle it without making a fool of myself in front of so many people I knew. The only answer that I could see was to explain to Fred I must leave and let him to explain I had an engagement. I knew it was cowardly but couldn't see another way. So that was what I did and called a cab. Leaving the pounding music behind. The air outside was beautiful and clear.

My wife never wanted to go to the reunion. They were not her sought of people. When I went in she asked how it went. Then picked out a look from the "I don't believe you any way rack, category 7"

When I was hanging up my jacket I found a serviette with a Black Lion on it and a mobile number. I stuck it in my old jeans pocket and tried to forget it.

Then a few days later I was in my shed and had to look at it. It was burning a hole.

I tapped a text. "And you'll be my someone" then after a long stare at it pressed send.

I stretched out in the ragged old shed chair that had been Dans’ and waited.

Back it bounced.

"For ever and a day"

Oh, good grief, what now?

Some how I could hear the song of the cock linnet clear and tinkly and so full of joy.